FREAKIN MONKEY WAITERS!!!!!!!!! (pinch) Ouch! Nope, not dreaming.

Holy crap! I am so excited I feel like throwing my own fecal matter. MONKEY WAITERS!!!! Not only have the Japanese given us Subaru, kimonos, and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (I know, they were American. But without Ninja they would just be talking turtles), but they have given us the ultimate solution to labour shortages. Hire monkeys.

A Japanese restaurant has actually hired monkeys on. They deliver drinks and hot towels to the customers for soy beans. Thats right, you tip them with soy beans. I mean sure, you may get a case of the monkey disease (see Morgan Freeman, Cuba Gooding Jr., and Dustin Hoffman), but it may all be worth it. I'm sure a bad monkey waiter could be better than some human waiters. Plus, they're monkeys. Check this out.

I'd like to thank Sheri for opening my eyes to what my life could be. This is all taking me closer to my life-long goal. I MUST own a monkey. Someday. It will make me sandwiches, play with my children, and drive me to work. I'll even dress it up. A little yellow Curious George suit for rainy days, a sailor suit when we go fishing, one of those beanies with the spinny helicopter thing on it, oh it would be grand. No, my monkey is not gonna be gay. (not that there's anything wrong with that).

It comes down to this, monkeys have been freeloading in this world long enough. It's time they start to pull their own weight around here. Get my groceries, play me in checkers and let me win, and make me breakfast. Someday. 

Is all of this creepy? Somewhat. But it's better they're monkey then those damned dirty apes. See below.